DAY 24: C.G. Burnette | 25 Days of Christmas
On the twenty-fourth day of 25 Days of Christmas, C.G. Burnette gave us a sneak peek of her book Simmer!
“What do you mean, you can’t go with me?”
I wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her. I wasn’t ready to let her go, but Bethany had been home for the last week and we had been putting this conversation on the back burner. She had tried a few times to bring up the move to New York, but I just couldn’t muster up the courage to be honest. Blistering kisses and mind-numbing sex can be great distractions.
But Bethany knew me too well, and she could see straight through my bullshit. I was about to let the best thing that ever happened to me go.
God, how the hell was I going to do this and not lose my mind?
“Sweetheart, you know why I can’t go. I can’t leave Savannah right now.”
“Okay, so you can’t come with me this weekend. That’s fine, babe. I’ll just stay, and we can go up next week. Do you need to finish out your notice? I hope the crew wasn’t too mad when you told them you and I both was leaving,” she chuckled.
“Bethany, I’m not leaving Simmer,” I told her. The next part would be the hardest, the part I would have to explain to her, after all the plans that we had made. “I was offered the GM position, and I took the job.”
Her eyebrows furrowed as she squinted at me. Emotions played across her face. Confusion… disbelief… and finally, anger.
Her beautiful eyes filled with tears and I watched, helplessly, as they tracked down the freckles on her ivory skin and fell into her lap. The anger I could handle. The anger would fuel her and motivate her to show me just how wrong I was to walk away from her and the dreams we had, the plans that were in already in motion.
“What do you mean, you took the GM offer? Gideon, you better tell me what is going on, and you better tell me now.”
“The owners of Simmer are aging. They want to travel, see the world, all that. They came to me with an offer to run the restaurant and later, have the first shot at owning the place. There aren’t many opportunities like this, Bitty.”
“In Savannah? Maybe not. In New York? Daily. I don’t believe this. I really don’t believe, after everything that we have gone through, everything we have sacrificed…”
She jumped up in a spurt of raging energy, pacing back and forth in the tiny office and gesturing wildly with her hands. She was still so stunning, even in her anger. She had every single right to be angry.
“Galen is moving into your house this weekend. We have an apartment in the city that’s waiting for us. You have interviews coming that will almost guarantee you an apprenticeship with some of the finest pastry chefs in the world. This is your chance, Gideon. It’s yours for the taking! You’re an artist, and one of the most talented pastry chefs I have ever seen. Those idiots at J&W I was in class with were nothing compared to what you do in those kitchens here at Simmer every day. Are you telling me that you’re going to walk away from everything that we’ve planned to be amanager? Are you walking away from me too?”
“Baby, the interviews, the apartment… it’s all exciting. For you. I want more than anything to do this with you, be by your side for this incredible chance. It’s a chance that you’re prepared for. You need to chase this dream and move on. Don’t fight this, Bethany. Please. I’m trying to do what’s right. I can’t leave. My family needs me here. I can’t let you walk away from your chance to the next star on The Culinary Channel to stay in Savannah. You’re too talented and too dedicated to your craft to walk.”
The tears were falling harder down her face, and my heart was breaking from the pain I could see in her eyes. She didn’t bother to wipe them away. She would never look at me the same way, never believe any promise I would ever make. The walls I had finally crushed around her heart would only be built back higher and stronger than ever.
“You never planned to go with me, did you, Gideon?”
I couldn’t answer her. She and I both knew the truth. There was no way I could leave Savannah.
I closed my eyes and prayed to the Almighty for the strength to be honest with the woman who completed my soul. When I opened my eyes and gazed at her, the grim realization settled on her face. Her hands dropped to her sides, and she shook her head.
“You never planned to go with me. You lied to me.”
“I’m needed here, Bitty.”
“I need you! I don’t want to go without you. You know that, Gideon!” she yelled at me, with so much hurt in her voice. I felt the fissure in my heart widen just a little more, and it traveled to my soul when she picked up the first brick to rebuild that wall around her.
“Bethany, Mom needs me more. I can’t leave her here alone. She’s sick, and she needs to be taken care of. I just cannot go.”
“Don’t even put this mess on your mother. That woman is vibrant and strong and thriving. Galen is here. Her sister and my Aunt Rosemary are here for her, but she doesn’t need them. She has MS, Gideon, but it’s not killing her. She still drives herself all over Savannah. She still cooks and cleans her house. I know because I’ve tried to help, and she kicked me out! She sent cookies while I was in New York, for God’s sake. So don’t blame her. This is on you. You’ve gotten used to playing it safe. This is you being a fucking coward and walking away from everything Lynn Alexander would want you to have!”
I stared at this woman I adored. A look of disappointment and sad resignation crossed her face, and it was more than I could bear. She was right. Of course, she was. She knew it and fuck, if I didn’t. But right at that moment, all the anger and bitterness I had been holding onto just poured out of me. It was like someone opening up the floodgates, and all the emotions just flowed. Along with it, I felt the resentment of having my teenage years snatched away when my father died and having to grow up so much faster than I planned. Carrying my family on my shoulders, while dragging them along at the same time. It all came flying forward like a broken dam, and my head buzzed with it. I could taste the long-held rage, and I couldn’t hold the words back. I just couldn’t stop them.
“I’m a coward? A coward runs when shit gets hard at home. I stayed. I’m the one who has been taking care of my trouble-making brother since my father dropped dead in front of us. I’m the one who gave up my plans so that I could make sure my mother and my brother had a roof over their heads and food on the table. I did that because that’s the man Gordon Alexander taught me to be. But go the fuck ahead and call me a coward. I have always put my family first, and that included you. And you know it because you’ve been here to see it. How much of a selfish bitch are you to demand I give up my family, and then say I’m a coward?! Do you think it’s been easy? I’m the one who was there the morning my mother got that fucking diagnosis and fell apart. I picked her up, took her home, and did what I was raised to. I’m a son and a brother. I’m the head of this family. That’s who I am!”
Her tears stopped while I was yelling at her. All the emotion left her face, and she turned on the icy Savannah debutante exterior she’d used with only one other person in her life. She crossed her arms over her heart, as if she was trying to guard it against any more blows that I could land. The words were out and there was no way to take them back.
Bethany was never going to forgive me.
She straightened her spine, lifted her head and shook out her curls that I loved so much, and she lowered her arms again. My Bethany was gone as she laid the final brick in the walls around her soul. In her place stood the Bethany Thorne that was a survivor.
Leveling her gaze at me, she spoke in a calm, cultured voice.
“You’re all about putting everyone else first, Gideon. One day, you’re going to realize you should have put yourself first. Maybe you aren’t a coward, but you sure as hell are a liar. And you just broke my heart.”
My mouth dropped and a startled huff left my lips. All the anger drained from me, and I simply felt hollow. Hot regretful tears glazed my eyes, and I choked over the lump in my throat. My hands shook as I reached for her one last time, but before I could even touch her, she stepped out of my grasp with another shake of her head.
“I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you. I wasn’t lying every time I kissed you or touched you. I wasn’t lying to you every time I bared my soul to you when we made love, and I showed you just how much you mean to me. You have to believe that I’m making the best choice for both of us, Bethany. I’m sorry.”
She stared at me for a beat, and then her eyes shuttered. She turned and grabbed her purse and her tool kit. When she turned back around, she kept her head down and moved for the door to the office.
“Please let the crew know that it’s been a joy to cook with them. Be happy, Gideon.”
Her last words to me. “Be happy.”
I just watched the only happiness I have ever known walk out of this office, out of Simmer, and out of my life.
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